LOL Vegan Gluten Free Ramen

How about NOOOOO?

Sometimes when I’m bored, I actually bother to leaf through the coupons that come in the mail. Today, I encountered the coupon pictured above. This food is so preposterous I don’t even know what to say. Are they aware Japanese people invented udon and also MSG? How can you possibly open a legitimate udon noodle restaurant and simultaneously advertise for NO MSG and NO gluten? Give me a fucking break. I can already imagine how boring, flat, and ridiculous this food tastes. Stewing udon broth in vegetables will never, ever, ever, ever give it the same flavor or depth as broth stewed in meat. Period. Impossible. No.

The whole demonization of MSG is junk science anyway, probably stemming from racism against Asians. Oooh I ate Chinese food and got dizzy! Shut up. The billion Chinese people eating MSG regularly don’t seem to have your imaginary MSG allergy. How do you explain that? Your stupid sensitivities are made-up, just like many gluten and carb allergies. For most people, it’s not a fucking allergy. It’s an aversion. There’s a difference. You aren’t “allergic” just because you refuse to eat something based on your blind adherence to the latest retarded fad diet. Allergic is when you eat something and swell up/stop breathing and possibly die. Did you asphyxiate or die from eating MSG or gluten? No, so you are not allergic.

The coupon advertises it is “Voted the best Vegan BLT in California by PETA” which is completely meaningless. If PETA people don’t eat meat, they cannot possibly know how shitty vegan BLT’s or vegan ramen udon are. These are the same people who compare eating pork to the murder of Jewish people during the Holocaust, so their opinions when it comes to meat are hysterically biased. Also, this is to say nothing of the fact a place that serves both BLT’s and Udon noodles cannot possibly be a good restaurant. This is some seriously infuriating hipster bullshit.

Home of the “Brave”

I recently learned on Facebook about an app or website called Nextdoor.com through a friend. Nextdoor.com describes its purpose thus:

Nextdoor is the best way to stay in the know about what’s going on in your neighborhood—whether it’s finding a last-minute babysitter, learning about an upcoming block party, or hearing about a rash of car break-ins. There are so many ways our neighbors can help us. We just need an easier way to connect with them.

Seems pretty cool. I don’t think we are in particular need of this as we are in a very small gated community of only 11 units, so news can easily travel quickly without the help of an app or social media, but even so, I dig the concept. However, my friend described an actual “warning” or notice one neighbor issued through Nextdoor.com:

What in the actual fuck. It’s annoying enough to see and hear all the “See Something Say Something” propaganda posters and announcements at every mass transit station. When they make those overhead announcements at the coaster station, I usually roll my eyes, but if I’m already in a bad mood I loudly respond “Oh, go fuck yourself,” and other passengers waiting for the train look at me and wonder if I’m one of the local homeless beach bums. The paranoid propaganda is vomit-inducing in and of itself but to actually see people embrace this nonsense and add a serious dose of racism on top is just too much.

When you parse out all the bullshit in the above paragraph (“I’m not saying he tried to break in because I have virtually no evidence but yeah I’m going to go ahead and explain why I think he did”), all that has occurred is a Hispanic man in a company uniform has distributed flyers for landscaping services. How is this anything that remotely requires a warning to other neighbors? To add to the absurdity, another neighbor actually seems to share the paranoia, by responding that they too (gasp!) were offered landscaping services. “We have cameras” – really? The fuck is wrong with people?

Like, what exactly was the thought process here? And when other random white solicitors come to the door, are they met with the same reaction? (Highly doubtful). Is there some common Hispanic scheme of which I am unaware, where they go out in broad daylight making fake flyers so they can break into houses and commit rampant crime while wearing logoed clothing? Because otherwise, when you see someone in a company shirt passing out fliers, chances are, by an overwhelming margin, they are doing just that. 

People are becoming so fucking afraid of everything that it is truly fucking pathetic to behold. Despite minuscule and completely negligible risks, Americans are afraid of traveling abroad, terrorism, letting their children out of their sight for even two seconds, Mexican gardeners, and probably their own shadows. Meanwhile, they fully support their military murdering, bombing, and destroying other countries to no end in the name of the home of the “brave.” Americans are fucking wetting themselves because an unidentified landscaper knocked on their door, but expect the rest of the world to suck it up when the American military destroys their hospitals, bombs residences to oblivion, and murders children. DOES THIS MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE?