Happy Father’s Day

To my dearest love,

It’s not easy to write blog posts one-handed, on the phone, in the dark while our hellion has a death grip on my arm but… This is my last chance to write this message in secret.

One unexpected thing about parenthood is how much more sensitive it has made me to the plight of suffering children. The news, always a source of horror and disappointment in humanity, now has an even deeper layer of poignancy for me when I read about the cruelties visited upon children and sometimes their parents. My mind involuntarily places me in their shoes and I’m frightened, but I take comfort in knowing you’ll always be here for me and Vale.


I wish I had another surprise for you to open since you already know about the botanical gardens, but I’m excited to stop and she’ll the roses together many times in the coming year.

I love you so much!

“Jen N”

Happy Birthday, Husband

Dear Husband,

You must know this, but I love you so very much. I love your smile and your slate-blue eyes with their gold flecks that are more noticeable in the sunlight.

More importantly, I want to say thank you for how amazing you have been during the last 6 1/2 months. Thank you for researching nutritional information, organizing my prenatal vitamins weekly, buying us books, buying me a body pillow, coming to all my appointments with me, and being especially supportive and comforting. Thank you for putting up with me when I am grouchy about sleep and capricious about food. Thank you for telling me I look great all the time. I am so fortunate and grateful, and could not imagine a better partner for this stage in life. I cannot help but wonder (with horror) how different this would be if I didn’t have you, or if you were not you.

Sometimes you ask how you got so “lucky” to find me. The answer is that I am me because you are you. You motivate and inspire me to be this version of myself. If I were with someone else, I would be just as quirky and have the same smile, but I would not be my best self without you as my anchor.

I hope I make you as happy as you make me. Happy birthday, and coincidentally, since your birthday falls on Father’s Day this year, Happy Father’s Day. Our daughter is going to be one lucky little lady to have you as a dad.

I Feel Like Being A Bitch Today

Some dumb bitch called me twice from a private number and accused me of obsessively calling her boyfriend. I did not pick up the first time and she left a message asking why I was calling her boyfriend repeatedly. The second time, I figured I’d pick up to let her know she clearly had the wrong number, as I’m not undignified and desperate enough to repeatedly call someone who won’t return my calls, and further, have not called anyone from my phone all day.

I initially had some sympathy for her situation, and politely suggested she had the wrong number. I repeated my phone number to her and asked whether she was sure she had the correct number. She interrupted me, said she was familiar with my area code, and said that whether I was the one calling or knew the person who was, that I should “not get involved.” I explained for a second time I had my cell phone on me all day and had made no calls up to this point, and she gave me attitude like I was wasting her time and said she had to get off the phone in order to “enjoy her boyfriend’s birthday.”

So. If this dumb cunt calls again, I’m going to tell her I have indeed been calling her loser boyfriend all day because he knocked me up and I plan on suing for child support. Should make for a nice birthday celebration for both of them. Dumbshits.