Latest Posts

Boy

He puppets her so that she flushes every thought from her head and Forces all other sensations from her flesh Until she falls asleep against his warm chest She would see him in heaven if she were allowed in those ranks But one’s own destruction is always more invigorating than another’s So she continued drowning […]

Rural Town II

She grew up in a place where the wind sang at night and Oppressed inhabitants during the day With vigor and slight cruelty But sometimes she would remember the damp southern grass crawling on her skin And fireflies dancing in sticky summer heat With fondness for the backbone of her suburban dreams

Alcohol III

Johnny, Jack, Jim, and other insidious lovers waited restless and lonely on the shelves Until they came to the rescue with acts of self-sacrifice Painting the night into an unforgivable haze After scouring the concrete wilderness all evening Swimming in people and singing of death She awoke next to a boy and the night had been thick […]

Furniture Project Part 2

We thought we were being frugal by acquiring all this free furniture and repainting it ourselves, but it turns out Wal-Mart works some kind of devil magic and manages to sell brand new, satisfactorily functional, and somewhat stylish bassinets with mattresses for as little as $35. Obviously, a $35 bassinet is not going to be […]

Meeting On a Street Corner

Someone told her there were a thousand trillion neutrinos zipping through her body at this very moment, so inspired She fluttered down the sidewalk until she was face to face with him and He pulled her into a kiss on the street corner to mark his territory Puppetted her with small dances while the warm […]

Bitter Heaven

There was the distinct morbidity of childhood, then before she knew it, she was knocking on heaven’s door with a baseball bat in one hand a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. How nice that you believe in an afterlife and will have a warm home basking in the glow of god waiting for you […]

Alcohol II

Winter broke her like a disease. That night, someone confessed to wanting to be an actress and fucking minors. Does it make you feel younger? She asked. Tonight, our wrinkles will be deferred by cheap whiskey, this magic bottle of fluid gold. They wasted time because they did not know. There was something romantic in her mythologic desperation, the […]

The Week

Monday she woke up still drunk at 11:30 and called people to confirm her friend’s brother had indeed showed up at her ex-boyfriend’s door and together they finished the Johnny Walker Red, spiked a carafe of orange juice at Denny’s with cheap vodka, the color of light sunshine for a heavy heart, bottled oblivion. They […]

WTF I Ate Moldy Tortillas

Father, I have sinned, for I ate medium rare steak twice in the last two months, had sushi (salmon, not tuna, to avoid mercury), and also drank more than 12 ounces of coffee on one occasion, perhaps two. I also had a taster of beer recently and a bite of shrimp ceviche. They tell pregnant […]

A Beer Haiku

I entered an Instagram contest for a beer haiku: I may be pregnant But will dream of local brews Until I give birth

Rural Town

She’s at the cafe again, sipping coffee, watching her friend sweep the floor while the sun streams through the windows but when she is not looking the trees whisper ill-fated tales of childhood to each other and the familiar wind and snow rage on an empty field steeped in her blood. Every corner of this place […]

Thoughts on Ignorance as a Cause of Post-Partum Depression

I am not a psychiatrist, a medical specialist, or even a scientist, but I have a sneaking suspicion that post-partum depression, while obviously a complex condition, is rooted at least in part in one phenomenon: distorted expectations from lack of sufficient and accurate information. Likely owing to society’s desire to increase the population of humans, […]

Is Your Daughter Going to Be a Slut? Take this Quiz To Find Out!

Desperate to know whether your little princess has a future as a ho-bag or slut in store for her? Take this simple quiz to find out. Keep track of your score for each question. At the end, give yourself 5 points for each “yes” answer, and 0 points for each “no” answer. Did your wife […]

When Your Cat Seems To Be Training You For Children

Our cat Fiona has always taken it upon herself to train Kyle for having babies by waking him up at odd hours, making strange noises, and demanding food at ungodly times. Recently, she has really upped her game. Today, Kyle was gone for work but she must have pestered me for food five times after […]

Furniture Project Part 1

We recently came into some used furniture, courtesy of my parents in-law after they bought new stuff, and we decided to do some painting. We hit up Home Depot and bought some coarse sand paper, water-based primer, and low VOC (baby safe) paint in a pretty, plain white by Behr (called “Ultra Pure White” – […]

Thoughts on an Article I read Pertaining to the Economics of Marriage and Divorce

I recently read The Economics of Marriage and Divorce on FEE.org, which raised some interesting points. The article starts out in an informative manner, and is rightly critical of state meddling, regulation, and intervention in the private matters of marriage and divorce. However, the article goes on to say, Another turning point was no-fault divorce, which […]

Amazon’s Expensive Ass “Baby Bargains”

We do not plan on having our baby shower until early July, but I’ve been browsing items just to get an idea of the various items and gear needed (versus totally not necessary) for Fetus. I’ve been throwing bags full of stuff out recently, and it feels good. It’s not that we don’t have some […]

The New Typical Saturday

Weekends have changed a bit since being pregnant. Waking up late hungover is no longer an option, and since I don’t party all night, I don’t sleep in as much. Even so, I love sleeping in, so it was sort of a big deal that I woke up at 8:20 a.m., drank some coffee, had […]

Exercise

I was largely able to stick to my regular exercise routine during the first trimester. Of course, exercises that were routine before suddenly became monumentally harder, but nevertheless, I was mostly physically capable of doing the same things, including sprinting up hills, steep hikes, the ab roller, push-ups, planks, leg lifts, stairs, lunges, squats, triceps […]

Imagine You’re Standing At the Shore…

I went to yoga again yesterday, even though I needed much more vigorous exercise after eating gummies, chocolates, goldfish, and other unfortunate snacks throughout the day. Toward the end of the session, our instructor had us relax and envision standing at the shoreline of the ocean. She asked us to take in the wide expanse […]

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -- Oscar Wilde

五花馬,千金裘, 呼兒將出換美酒, 與爾同銷萬古愁。